Today, I’m going to be myself and reduce a day that’s based solely on feelings and break it down mathematically in Mastercard commercial style. It’s completely unoriginal, but hey, it works.

Fuzzy box of chocolate truffles: $13

Driving yourself into work so you can go straight to your sweetie’s place: $6

Getting dumped the morning of Valentine’s Day: Priceless

It’s not often that I’m going to post anything in depth about my lovelife. The reason for this is several-fold. First, I’d like to keep this site fairly professional. Let’s face it, my post teen year angst just isn’t something that’s going to get CNET to ask your opinion on something. Second, it’s not interesting to the Internet at large. Very personal blogs are only interesting to friends. Finally, the subject of your post may actually read the post. I’d rather not broadcast this to her.

Let me begin with some background on the situation. Claire messaged me on OKCupid.com. I didn’t seek her out. I didn’t initiate contact. We talked a little and she seemed really nice. As I didn’t really initiate it, I just let her lead where things went. This eventually led to her suggestion that I buy her dinner sometime.

Naturally, I decided it was worth a shot. She was cute, smart, and interested in me. We met for a lunch date. It went great. We talked for three hours before either of us looked at our watches. I escorted her while she shopped at Target. We hugged goodbye and I went home feeling pretty good.

Claire got sick the week following our date. We talked while she was able to sit up. We talked about all kinds of things. Then she asked me for my advice on something. She mentioned going out with the son of a family friend. Apparently it didn’t go well and she just wasn’t into him. I joked Are you trying to tell me something? Oh, yes, I thought that was clever. It was, but simply too clever. She told me that she definitely wasn’t trying to drop a hint or anything. Naivete was the soup du jour.

The next Saturday, we went out to dinner at a neat little BBQ place. She even drugged herself up with Sudafed for me. That is just the sweetest gesture ever, right? We had a good time. She asked if I wanted to walk her back to her car. Surely I did. We kissed next to her car. I was really beginning to dig her. Sure, this was much slower than I normally took things, but I didn’t care.

So, in the next week, we talked on the phone like every night. We set up a date on Valentine’s Day and another on the Saturday preceding. In the course of conversation, she mentioned ending several relationships because she liked the guy too much and didn’t want to get hurt. She then told me Don’t hurt me. I was pretty surprised. She just told me that she was really into me. There is no other way to interpret that, right? I don’t think it’s that insane to think that. She even told me that she found me cute. Attractive even. I’m not above a little ego stroking.

I was still trying to stay distanced, but with that kind of reassurance, why should I? She even told me that she wanted to take things slow and do it right with me. All good things in my book. So we had our third (and final) date on Saturday night. We went to the IMAX theater in Jordan’s Furniture (I still recommend it despite the ill feelings now associated). We caught a bite after and browsed Barnes and Noble.

I drove her back to her car (because we were still meeting at places). We started making out a little in my car (which I still think is stupid and awkward). Suddenly, she stopped me and said You’re crazy with that tongue. Being a man and still in the mood, I turned it into a joke and we made out some more. I had to be self-conscious about kissing at this point. Let me tell you, it really takes the fun out of it. Completely. I tried to put it out of my mind. I drove home, again, feeling pretty satisfied.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day in Amherst for Scott’s senior recital. I figured that giving Claire some time before our Valentine’s date would be good. That way she wouldn’t be sick of me. That night, after I got back, she messaged me. She said she wasn’t feeling well and going to bed before 8 PM. I called her back and asked if she was getting sick again. She said she wasn’t. We ended the phone call and my spidey-sense was tingling all over my skull. I’ll admit it, sometimes I get a little paranoid. However, when I have a strong feeling something bad is going down, it’s usually dead-on.

Shortly before Lisel and I split, I was totally out of my mind scared. I tried loving her with renewed vigor. Ultimately, that weekend, she dumped me. I got scared last night as well. I let myself become emotionally invested and I knew that what was coming would hurt. I talked to my close friends about it. The critique during our makeout session should have been my cue to end it. Dana said she would have kicked Claire out of my car in my position. That would have been the more appropriate action in hindsight. However, most told me not to worry. I had a date on Valentine’s Day with her. I’d get to see her place (which was another hint because she never even suggested seeing it before making plans for today). Everything would smooth out and I’d forget all about this.

Then this morning came.

(08:05:34) Claire: hey

(08:05:44) Derik: hey hey, how are you?

(08:05:47) Claire: i’m ok.

(08:05:52) Claire: but you’re gonna hate me.

(08:05:55) Derik: uh oh

(08:05:59) Claire: i did a lot of thinking last night.

(08:06:05) Claire: i really don’t think we should see each other again

(08:06:09) Claire: i feel really bad doing this.

(08:06:14) Claire: i fully realize i am doing a totally shitty thing

(08:06:22) Claire: but i just don’t think things are going in the direction you would like.

(08:06:29) Derik: why’s that?

(08:06:31) Claire: and i feel like it’s better to be honest and just end it than to string you along.

(08:06:48) Claire: i’m really sorry.

(08:07:12) Derik: I don’t understand

(08:07:54) Claire: you don’t understand what i’m saying ?

(08:08:00) Claire: or you don’t understand why i’m saying it?

(08:08:06) Derik: both I suppose

(08:08:20) Claire: i don’t know what to tell you

(08:08:35) Claire: if it makes you feel better, i think it has very little to do with you.

(08:08:40) Claire: perhaps i’m more troubled than i once thought.

(08:08:50) Claire: i just can’t get into this.

(08:08:53) Claire: i apologize

(08:09:25) Derik: are you ever going to at least explain to me what you mean?

(08:09:25) Claire: i just don’t get the feeling that we’re going to be that compatible in the long run.

(08:09:29) Claire: and i don’t want to waste your time.

(08:10:16) Derik: why don’t you let me worry about that? or is it that you just don’t want to see me?

(08:11:08) Claire: i’m just not that into you.

(08:11:09) Claire: i’m sorry

(08:11:20) Claire: i thought it would be something that would develop

(08:11:30) Claire: but i’ve learned that if it doesn’t happen the first few times you’re with a person, it won’t

(08:11:39) Claire: and i don’t want to lead you on any longer

(08:11:43) Claire: i am really really sorry

(08:11:49) Claire: and i know that i’m doing a shitty horrible thing

(08:11:57) Claire: this is very hard for me

(08:12:04) Derik: it’s ok, wish I’d known yesterday

(08:12:09) Claire: well, me too

(08:12:14) Claire: i just had to think things through

(08:12:25) Claire: again, i apologize

(08:12:55) Derik: it’s all right, but a word of advice, be a little more careful who you tell “don’t hurt me” to

(08:13:25) Claire: i never ever meant to do this.

(08:13:29) Claire: we all hope things will work out

(08:13:35) Claire: and they don’t always.

(08:13:50) Claire: please know that i feel really terrible.

(08:14:23) Derik: it’s ok, you really don’t have to feel that way

(08:14:44) Claire: yeah, i do.

(08:15:12) Claire: but it’s better this way

(08:15:21) Claire: think how pissed off you’d be if i pulled this a month from now

(08:15:30) Derik: I know

(08:15:42) Claire: i gotta get dressed for work.

(08:15:50) Claire: i fully understand if you don’t want to talk to me again.

(08:15:57) Claire: i’m sorry things turned out this way

(08:15:59) Derik: nah, I’m not like that

(08:16:08) Derik: I like being friends with my exes

(08:16:14) Claire: i’ve noticed.

(08:16:18) Claire: you’re a good guy

(08:16:21) Derik: thanks

(08:16:41) Claire: later for now then.

(08:16:45) Derik: later

The timestamps are indeed accurate. Best way to get your heart going at the beginning of the day, isn’t it? No, I didn’t think so either. So, I’m left holding a fuzzy box of chocolate truffles and my crushed heart. Now I have to go straight home and endure the humiliation of spending the evening with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and spending time with them is not embarressing. However, having to face anyone tonight that saw how excited I had been is just tough. What’s worse is that Valentine’s Day is now tainted for me. I can’t spend another one without thinking about being dumped. I’ve become one of the millions of disillusioned.

I’m going to try to get back to work now. I really just feel like lying down and sleeping.