Goodbye Appendix, We Hardly Knew Ye

4 minute read

Well, it was confirmed. I had appendicitis and they removed my appendix. I’m appendix-less. Is that a turn-on or -off for women?

Two Hamburgers Please

The whole ordeal started on Sunday night after having two hamburgers. My stomach felt really tight. It wasn’t normal, but I chocked it up to eating too much too fast. I tried to relieve myself, but no dice. The pain only moved down to my lower right. I immediately started thinking appendicitis.

Dude Man

There’s a reason I jumped so quickly to that conclusion. I can safely blame Scott for that. He had to regale me with the story of his mother having a burst appendix. Naturally, that’s dangerous and it’s possible die from it. However, when I hear or even think of the word “appendix”, all I can hear in my head is Scott.

Dude, man. She could have died man.

He told me this at some point when I was especially impressionable apparently. Every time I had gas, I’d press on my lower abdomen to make sure. I sure as hell wasn’t waiting for it to burst.

That’s why I waited instead of acting immediately. I went to bed in the hopes that it would go away. I slept through the night which I took as a good sign.

You’re Still Here?

Well, the pain was still there in the morning. I started dressing really casually for work. I wasn’t feeling good still but I figured I could work through it. It would subside just like all the gas I mistakenly thought was appendicitis. I started making oatmeal. All of a sudden, I felt woozy. Maybe it was time to call the doctor.

Naturally, at 6:30 in the morning, the doctor’s office wasn’t open. I got the answering service which paged the on-call doctor. I got a very sleepy doctor to tell me there wasn’t anything she could do and if I was concerned, go to the emergency room.

I took that advice and woke my brother. Thankfully he was home for Spring Break. My father was busy taking my mother to the hospital for surgery. It’s a strange coincidence I’ll admit. It’s a good thing he was there because I had no idea how to get to Marlborough Hospital. I’ll give him props for waking up on short sleep to do that.

Berry Smoothies

I got myself checked in and my father had arrived by the time they actually called me in to see the doctor. The doctor thought it was appendicitis. She called for a surgeon and a CAT scan. For the next hour and a half, I drank the worst berry (but probably most expensive) smoothie I’d ever had. It was oral contrast solution. I was prepped and sent to the CAT scan room.

As I laid on the pad, the technician attached the IV contrast to me and warned me of its side-effects. She told me that I would feel really warm, might taste something in the back of my throat, and feel like I was pissing myself. Thankfully, only two of those came true (the former two). The warmth was disconcerting I’ll admit.

Ready, Setty, Zzzzz

With that, I met my surgeon and it was up to the operating room I was to go. I was naturally apprehensive as it was my first time in surgery. Shocking I know, but as I tell everyone around me, I don’t get sick. I got odd looks from the doctors when I told them of no recurring conditions, no medication, no recent sickness, and no surgery in the past. I’ve never even had oral surgery.

I’ve never been put under either. After rushing me up to the OR, I was given a slight sedative. I started feeling sleepy. Next, I was brought into the actual room. It was an amazing flurry activity as I remember it, but at the time, I wasn’t very agitated by it, likely because of the sedative. I remember getting tickled on my lower abdomen as I was shaved down there. At that point, an oxygen mask was over my face so I was feeling really out of it. Then I was told the knockout drug entered the IV tube.

At the time, I thought Uh oh, I’m still awake. This isn’t good.

Wakey Wakey

I suddenly woke up in the reception area outside the actual operating room. It was all over. Everything went fine. That was a relief. I was still groggy. I was aware enough to notice the cute student nurse. Sadly, she did little more than help move me to my recovery room.

Once there, I started coming out of my daze. My nurse for the evening (who was also incredibly cute and I would have liked to taken to dinner) introduced herself. She gave me some demerol in a shot. That was a very bad thing. It’s meant to relieve pain, but it made my shoulder (where it was injected) incredibly sore. In fact, the pain I felt from that far exceeded the actual pain I felt from my three incisions. It also knocked me out. The rest of my afternoon disappeared.

Lots of TV

The rest of my stay was fairly uneventful. I watched lots of TV. I got up and walked around with the nurse. I slept. The next day I started eating regular food again. My doctor cleared me to leave the hospital. That was basically the entire event.