I’ll Do It; I Swear!
Seeing as I haven’t written anything meaningful since I started my pseudo vacation last week, I thought I might get right back into the swing of things with something near and dear to my heart: a rant.
It’s no secret that I spend a lot of time posting in and reading forums. Like any public forum, it attracts idiots who feel the need to unload things that are either totally uninteresting or useless. One of the more obnoxious types is the “leaper” as I am going to refer to this type of individual. Much like people who climb to the highest stories of the tallest buildings to stand on the edge and threaten to jump, these morons explain how they’ve come to stand on their very own ledge.
The difference is that their dilemma is far more trivial. In the forums I participate in, it’s the usual threat of “I swear I’ll do it! I’ll buy a PC!” It’s a simple attention-grabbing tactic (which I sometimes fall for). The general formula of such a post is the following:
- Start with the number of years you’ve used Macs and how you were loyal. For example, I’ve been using Macs for 18 years, even during period x.
- Write about the jealousy you’ve had over the machines your coworkers/friends/relatives/spouse own and use. For example, I’ve watched for years as my friends have gotten PCs for half what I spent.
- Write about the low cost of PC hardware and software. Ignore the fact that the majority of PC hardware can be used in today’s Macs. Ignore compatibility and driver issues. Ignore how crappy most Windows software is.
- Write about software selection and how Windows has many more software packages available. Ignore that 2,000 versions of Barbie’s Playhouse aren’t going to do anything for you.
- Discuss how fast PC hardware is and then compare a fully loaded G5’s price to the bargain basement Dell’s price.
- Don’t mention the amount of time you’ll be spending dealing with spyware, adware, and viruses.
- Add in several other validations of why you’re buying a Windows PC. Delude yourself into thinking that you’re trying to convince others of why you’re taking the smart course of action and keep from realizing that you’re trying to convince yourself.
- Offer a few petty parting shots. Feel free to use the following list of common myths: Macs are status symbols, Macs are for elitist snobs, Macs are for idiots that can’t operate real computers, Macs are toys, etc.
Most importantly, once you’ve formulated this cry for help, post it onto Mac discussion forums. Post it into unrelated threads. Do anything you can to get as many people as possible to read it. Make sure you phrase things to make it seem as if you’ve already made your decision and you’re absolutely ecstatic about it, swearing off the Mac platform forever. Ignore the fact that it’s completely contradictory to be leaving the Mac platform and continuing to post into Mac forums. If someone points this out, attack that person and tell them that they can’t handle the truth. Then justify the posting as education for other “deluded” Mac users. Ignore the fact that these same people have already thought about those very same issues.
Leapers really get their jollies off people trying to pull them back into the fold. They like to see people argue against these obviously fallacious points. They exhibit some of the most perplexing behavior. Could someone please explain the mentality to me? I don’t get it.
